golden Autumn in light show. Holy dream

these weeks a bit busy, for the freedom world offers so many invalueable stuff. in these weeks, my family sites continued to expand, now including delicious accounts, which now support yahoo account's automaitcally login; tumblr blogs, which so powerful while so fit; seesmic, a twitter client can help me bypass the deadly blocking of twitter from China surveillance; and tweet.im, an autoposting service binding with gtalk account. i also seeing family site expanding within demestically, including 139.com, an affiliate of the monoply company, China mobile, and dii.cn, a twitter clone with neat interface. since yesterday, i felt i should preserve family 2 new namespace, riveryog for me and warozhu for baby son, warren zhu, Hope of China and God of universe, with facebook, the best and largest social network. China surveillance likely blocking facebook's sms service within its sovereign, for i tried several mobiles, none can receive facebook's verifying code in sms. i tried to reach out a Taiwanese among my google contacts, but his mobile also can't receive my facebook's verifying code.

these weeks mostly sunny days. with God's beam, i like to fly at will. China surveillance blocking more and more famous sites, including google sites, goole apps, tumblr, hellotxt, posterous, and yahoo meme, but i was never daunted, each time i lose an open voice channel, i would try to compensate with new reach out to more brilliant western world sites. God's message never fade, or wind-gone, but populate springly. i enjoy seeing my future people voice here now, a missing treat for my loneliness i suffered so far in this eccentric corner of northeastern China. i enjoy the virtual team in God's shine, upon every directions of the globle.

its also mostly lightened days, with so many games. baby son made every free moment gamed on my new notebook with my companion, imersing in games like "frontline" or "call of duty". play games is my long time dream, esp. when i saw quite less informed persons also enjoy themselves a lot in games, esp. first person shotting. i always love to see the advanced applications of artifical intelligence, or complicate interactive between human and robot or machine system, like games. but previously i always engaged in stuff more concrete, like download, resource management, site building, learning, etc. but baby's invitation these days drew me into hot games so deep and so imersing, that i really felt the world of colorful and possible.

its a bright moment now, seeing sunshine over the trees parrel to office window. dog on facing desk biting heavily, as usual, and the dead roaming in the corridor. i enjoyed so many golden moments in my life. last night, i asked baby son to sleep alone me, he did after some time of play. in mid night, all of us, including his mother, emakingir, woke up, in God's set, to celebrate the love and glory. i just dreamed of a lonely pilot, who fight persistantly. God shown me what's manly and what's the ultimate hardness and grace a blessed can be. i again, after many times seen before in the end of holy dreams, the mightiest God, and the non-impossible.

yes, gays and dogs biting now around. killing them just a matter of seconds. i see my second wife, Masheng, from Japan, changed this morning my bank deposit book into a deposit card, i saw the wells of my family never plentier and stronger.

at noon i again saw the tall girl in QRRS, walking passed my office window. i sticked my head outside of the window, likely she noticed me. she is tall and fit, i hope God don't train more me harsh and coarse with loneliness and ever harder hopes in perished.

Ok, now, Omen, God, save my Empire, bring me my beloved.

From Life as it extends

benzrad, me, proud dad, holding baby son, warren zhu, hope of China, for a shot by emakingir.

From Life as it extends

a corner view of south park, near emakingir's house. baby playing his scooter with his mom's companion.

From Life as it extends

bright beaming: baby son, warren zhu, in a lol.

View all

Get your own

more of my Autumn weekend hauntout.

  
  
  See and download the full gallery on posterous

wrest with China surveillance.

its now golden season here in northeastern China. bright sunshine in most days, and warm&crisp air conveys the golden bliss. i enjoyed pc games more and more with baby son, who rightly a savvy gamer, and insatiable entertainment sitter. every night when i lay down on bed alone him and his mother, i just feel too precious a day it was. i hold his bear and smooth foot, and amazed by God's glory.

but now all things so bright. the China authority resolved to challenge the common sense. quite some lames supposed the tighten surveillance will loose after the special period of National Day march, but it was not the case in this year and this time. the loser broke the mind, doomed to farewell to its once appealing, doomed to separate China with the world, peaceful people with the docile. the Internet censorship turning more and more harsh and smooth most free mind and good wishes Chinese hold so far under the faked forged socialism.

these days my pc os was hacked, or my web traffic under arbitral filtering. my web traffic never overlap 90KB/s, since yesterday the grandma clean the house and i also at the moment refurnish my os with common software's update. in last 2 days i tried lots of way to make clear what's wrong with the lagging and sometimes unstable Internet traffic. but most of my works led lighter to the endeavor of hidden dark hand over my os and my account or audit or filter in my Internet ISP's router or network hardware. net neutral, a purpose pushing in US, a far cry and forever utopia for Chinese in Socialism dome, just like its doctorate died decades among the bloody red starred geopolitics. but i know world aligns to change, including the dying China mainland, as God promised me, as the Empire in my title and host from hundred years ago from my glorious ancestor. China determined to change, since the history of the world. the dying sin let to supervise the scary land in these years, was ordered to leave now. a brighter sky encompassing the land emerging from the dim and dark.

OK, its sunny now outside of my office. i was the blessed to own the vast land, China. i was testified to claim here again, as the theft of state nowadays frequent deaf due to their greediness.

From Baby Son Bathed In Late Autumn Halo

baby bathed at home in warm late Autumn

From Baby Son Bathed In Late Autumn Halo

baby watching his mom gaming and enjoy team gaming.

View all

Get your own

more of my bath.

See and download the full gallery on posterous

Temporary while forever lasting pleasure of now

the vacation of China National Day and lunar Mid-Autumn Day, almost passed. baby son, warren zhu, and me, benzrad, enjoyed larger and newer games which can drive my new acer AS 4736G to its full load, beyond wilderness. i also made good use of time when i was left with baby alone when his mom attending her school, to let baby son know more God and the mission of our Royal of China. i also condemned his mother and her family a lot. also a lot of time wasted attending games' download, which very lagging. we just found the beauty of larger pc games, like "Frontline: fuel of war" and "call of duty: modern warfare", both larger than 4 GB, which cost me for 2 and more days to download from p2p. i tried "Frontline" with baby son, who also been attracted at once, but later baby son ditched me and follow his visiting uncle's playing with it, for the uncle more a veteran on games. he was asked to come over to break my intimate time with baby by baby's mother, who likely felt my talk and my critics with baby upon her when she absent.

these days in vacation really sometimes ignite my sex desire. i longing for my girls a lot. but i sure seeing God consoles me with our promised gathering with all my beloved in coming months. i saw God let me endure to lighten the coming elation of new life. i promise all my girls of my full heart, with full fruitful.

its a gloomy morning. i don't fear the spying eyes from China surveillance. i saw budding like spring rains, weak but insistent. i saw blessing of God like warmest and brightest sunshine, killing and healing. i saw my promised love like rains rampant and torrential.

 

View all

Get your own

From baby son, warrenzh's works

baby's work.

From My second notebook, an Acer AS4736G

my second notebook, her membership of my family since Aug 28th, 2009.

From Life as it extends

an early full moon near lunar Mid-Autumn Day.

View all

Get your own

bright days with driving hope, hope for new family.

From life as it extends

our city skyline under the brilliant Sun.

From life as it extends

baby son, warren zhu, hope of China, talk to his mom in football game.

From life as it extends

a visiting girl with her pet rabbit.

From life as it extends

baby in football game.

View all

Get your own

more than a week since my last post. this week seemingly main busy with larger sized games, like "front line: fuel of war", and warez's download. i addict to warez, ie. pirate software, like 0day's release, has been a long time. the warez help me a lot when i worked for my previous job, heading design for a enterprise's cable TV branch. after left the job, i tried to keep with the daily float of pirate warez, but finally got up, for too time costing, as well as source of release in China mainly constrained within forums, which i disliked gradually, in the process of my own identity grows, till today's my web presence. u can google "benzrad" or "benzillar", my most frequent namespace, and the result will show u my cyberspace activities. i had told others many times, here i can again assert, Chinese like intimacy, while western citizen more cherish independent open relation. in general, Chinese have more dark view upon social relation, esp. the society, and indeed they behave morally inferior. that's the reason of its culture's fall in recent history. their native born belief turns darker and poorer than God in Christian. they far less respectable than a civilian of the western.

in the beginning i felt anxious about my access to warez, but i felt the open cyberspace should be the larger reality. and now i see the day. now i quite enjoy web hosted warez, like rapidshare, upload, and lots among the net disk, including demostic. i really glad to see my works in these years rewarding, one reason based on its opening and independence, like my sites and domain. i really proud of them.

this week i more times felt the leaving off my old family, and pending status i beset now. i hope i can left my baby son, warren zhu, after he takes elemental school, and sleeps on his own bed. these years, namely, has been 4 years, his parents mainly holding him aside on bed in night, except in 2006 when i lingered in the dormitory of QRRS, my once and long time employer, a state-owned enterprise, just after i fired for divorce with my baby's mother. i all time praying for a new life, for i think from the start the family of my baby's mother is evils, and never fit for me, far less my Royal in God's glory. my baby's mother let me leave my baby several days after his birth, and the evils family, all left to be female, never enjoy sun light and kept in dark from me, including its financial situation which they likely close-mouthed most. in these years, i never gave up finding myself a new life, a new home for my baby to let him enjoy which house he likes to stay. i also felt i deserve a better routine life, esp. better food and enjoyable life style.

these days i sometimes felt gloomy, esp when its indeed cloudy. i reviewed sometimes my depressed love on beauty, on spiritual knowledge, i felt God wouldn't let me equipped with such a subtle eyes and mind of beauty while don't let me enjoy it and hold in constant reach. i believe God forges me and my beloved, just a case of time in search.

these days i noticed a tall neaty girl walked alone the road of QRRS, my once and long time employer, in its rush time. she likely a new employee of the company. i like her temperament. she likely has a long legs, and slim figure. my heart pumps more air and pray more deeper when i saw her each time, and i at once connect her with my missing girl zhou, the love ignite my web search and beginning of most of my cyberspace presence. i pray God now let me reunite with my beloved, and shift my life span toward a new landscape.

yes, that's it, i wouldn't leak more on it. only God know why i put my hope in it. i live for my pray, for my hope, for my bliss from God, my dad.

pray for new life, with my beloved

From Family&folks âˆ' hometown journey

benzrad, me, in hometown journey, on front yard of his passed dad's house.

family entertained in a nearby river soon after reunited.

baby bathed in warm Autumn dusk.

baby son bathed in warm Autumn dusk from be21zh on Vimeo.

OR if vimeo inaccessible under censorship visit it hosted on Flickr:

From life as it extends

3 days before the day i left my hometown, village Zhudajiu, where i lingered for 3 months,and lives here my baby's mother's home for 3 months. life quite regular between my office and baby's mother,emakingir's house. i routinely stay in office for 5 hours, from 8:30am to 2:30 pm. in office i rip off Internet access and had to find other things to kill time. first i used roommate's Internet access when he absent, but the demon with a born spying eye trying to bargain with me payment for the usage, so i now totally stay in office offline. mostly i can immersed in reading ebook, esp. biographies of scientists, or sorting my hard disk, enjoy the plenty of warez and ebooks got from web.anyone really love the web can't praise the boundlessness of evaluable resources, most of them can gain by download. that lesson exactly the American people, who enjoy booming of information explosion since the descending of Internet, teaches me, and leads me to deep faith in God's saint and meaningful.i learn God from US people and their well beings.

since the first day i rejoin the office life, i remind myself being idle in office can be a beneficial experience for my mission, for the road of God over China needs time to clear unclear and bias. and according to most Chinese living standard i shouldn't rely on the speediness and expedience of Internet on finger tip. and my threat to the China authority nowadays can't be hidden by the peace so far i enjoyed. so i decided to enjoy leisure of mind as well as bodily in office where most staff wasting the resourceful Internet, doing board games, reading novels, watching movies, or even fed up by turning away, all this kind of simpler and boring activities. i know a far larger and firmer world beyond the constrain i was set in this eccentric city of northeastern China i grew 19 years just to overcome it to see through all China territory and beyond the Pacific ocean. i know God let me stand firmly on my own feet, after pains and endurance of empty brain and tastelessness.

Its a sunny day, even sometimes flow over some clouds.last night it drizzled, after the bright sunset of yesterday. I felt surely i was baptized when i got up earlier and launched to setup auto posting on some sites of mine, after one of my account reported compromised.China surveillance capture my web traffic with a spying eye on my web confidential not for moments, but for years without break.i trust my words to God, just likes my mission here in the barren and scurry land since the fell of Ming Dynasty, whose Emperor bred me and my Royal of China again in progress.

this moment i saw the still green and yellow leaves of trees outside of my office. a even brighter future for China in my view. i belongs to God, my dad, and lives long, manly and energetic as the Son, source of saviour for livings on the earth. China lives, and only lives in God's bless, no other way to save itself. and a more cohesive world lives in love, brotherhood, and most of all, faith in God one.

OK, i bid a lot here about the right path. i praying every moment for my new life with my fiancees, my source of young, passion of life. i praying for gathering with my beloved, Masheng, Zhou, Taiwan girl, Lü, Jiangyue. i pray for my wedding with my girls, and my first house of my own, with my bride or brides. i deserved a new life now, with my tenderest.